we do what we can, until we cannot (odontomachus) wrote,

shaggy hat story



Phone call to Ben, who constantly needles me re hats and TF2.
"Mr M! Are you responsible for the parcel that greeted me today?"
"Er... not that I know of!"
"It's a hat."
"No, that wasn't me."
"It's a pretty good hat. Not cheap. I thought it might have been you, given endless TF2-related hat shenanigans."
"Yeah. I rather wish it was me now. Damn, beaten to the hat-trolling."

Phone call to my littlest brother.
"Bro, did you send me a hat?"
"Er. What?"
"A hat came in the post for me today. No return address, no inkling of who it's from. It's a really snazzy hat, but... I'm just confused."
"Wasn't me."
"Damn. I ask because there was a small mistake on the address, which is the same as in an address I gave you before. Who've you been giving my address to?"
"Only Lene..."
"Doesn't seem her style; she sends me My Little Pony instead."
"Sorry bro, no idea. I can say it was me if you like?"
"Thanks for the offer, but no. Aight. Love to famille."

Tweet Philip (who is the first man I think of when I think of classy hats.)
Me: Mr Reeve, were you the source of a rather nice (dapper!) present that arrived on my doorstep today?
Philip: I don't think so... but maybe I should take the credit anyway. What was it?
Me: A hat. If it's not you I am plumb out of ideas.
Philip: You have a mystery hat benefactor! That's cool! Or possibly creepy. Oh, and 'pics or it didn't happen' as you youngsters say.
Me: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/8641285/ihavenoidea.jpg It's too small for my comically oversized bonce, so perhaps I shall exchange it for a larger one...
Me: ..when I work out WHY ON EARTH I HAVE BEEN SENT A HAT.

Text my cousin, who's one of the few remaining people who know my uni address.
Me: Alright, I can't think of why you would have, but did you send me a hat?
Joey: Er, no, i definitely didn't. What sort of hat? Secret admirer maybe?
Me: Pork pie hat. Black wool. Well classy. Arrived anonymously. Deeply confused.
Joey: Wow, that is very strange. Sounds good tho. Hand written address?
Me: No, has been bought through some internet company.
Joey: Even weirder. Your bio bro? Mum? Does it fit?
Me: No no and not really :( my head is too big.

Hit my middle brother up on facebook chat.
Me: did you send me a hat?
Me: I can't think of why you might have but I've kind of exhausted the reasonable possibilities at this point
Olly: Umm... When?
Olly: I don't think I did...
Me: Today. Arrived on my doorstep. It's a cool hat but I AM SO CONFUSED.
Olly: umm... sure it's for you?
Olly: I've not sent you one
Me: it's addressed to me
Olly: umm, interesting
Olly: :\ No idea!
Me: hum
Me: oh well
Me: cheers
Olly: I want a hat now
Me: MINE
Olly: what kind of hat?
Olly: Maybe you have a secret admirer?
Me: http://www.hatsandcaps.co.uk/Jaxon-Hats-Pork-Pie-Hat-P135065/ this kind of hat
Me: what kind of secret admirer sends you a fucking hat
Me: ...and knows my address
Olly: that's not a bad hat...
Olly: Maybe it's a TF2 related joke?
Me: that's what I thought, but I phoned up the chap I would expect that joke from and he denied all involvement
Olly: ah...
Olly: absolutely no idea then!
Me: that makes five of us
Me: so far


Me: bro
Me: forgive me if this is something of a left field question
James: ...right
James: continue
Me: did you send me a hat?
James: did you receive an anonymous hat?
Me: yes
James: well, i hate to disappoint, but it wasn't me
Me: well I'm just terminally confused now
James: ...what kind of hat was it?
Me: http://www.hatsandcaps.co.uk/Jaxon-Hats-Pork-Pie-Hat-P135065/
James: that exact hat?
Me: da
James: maybe it's someone who wishes to see your style evolve
James: equally, it could be an assassin's calling card
James: don't sleep
Me: ordinarily that wouldn't be a problem, but I left my flask in kent at the weekend and have been criminally undercaffeinated since
Me: hum
James: you're fucked m8
Me: it's a hat not a goddamn letter bomb bro
James: it has a hidden camera
James: it's covered with syphilis
James: there's a needle inside with HIV blood
Me: there's probably some perfectly innocuous reason for this, like someone asked me to post something to them, and I've forgotten about the whole affair with my retarded sieve memory
Me: oh
Me: wait
Me: yeah
Me: that's it
Me: well done me
Me: yeah it's for a friend who can't get things posted to their country
Me: I am middlemanning
Me: right
James: aah
Me: better take this to the post office
Tags: conversations
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