So the original plan for The Bro-Holiday between Bill, Tom and I, back in the mists of time, was The Great American Road Trip. That sort of failed for lots of reasons, mainly revolving around the "road" aspect and the "student poverty" aspect. Less of an issue for Bill, who has a driving license, and is a comparatively loaded PhD wanker, but Tom and I are mere BAs stuck in the sculpture/gun mines, poor and incapable of operating a steering wheel. Moscow was originally an area of interest for profoundly geeky reasons, but as BROMERICA 2011 gradually became less and less likely, its somewhat briefer, somewhat cheaper, other-side-of-the-Cold-War counterpart became more and more so.
Short story shorter, we fly to Russia tomorrow.
We have advice and recommendations from such luminaries as the great Sarah Mcintyre and an awesome Russian student I kept bumping into at law events. We have an itinerary, a soundtrack, a camera, a pre-Kennedy phrasebook, a post-internet phrasebook, and bitchin' winter coats.
where doing this bros
where MAKING THIS HAPEN
22:13:57 Me: is this working?
22:13:58 Me: ping
22:14:00 Me: pong
22:14:00 Me: etc
22:14:12 Tom: marco
22:14:14 Me: POLO
22:14:24 Tom: no need to shout
22:14:27 Tom: I'm right here
22:14:30 Me: but where is bill?
22:14:49 Tom: BILLBILLBILL
22:14:53 Wild Bill: I'm here dammit
22:14:53 Me: good
22:14:54 Me: right
22:14:56 Me: let us broceed
22:15:13 Me: item #1
22:15:16 Me: london timings
22:15:22 Tom: yis
22:15:29 Me: let me examine my train tickets
22:15:51 Wild Bill: I'm getting to highbury and jizzlington at about 4pm
22:16:00 Me: 3:45 for me
22:16:02 Me: zis saturday
22:16:13 Me: please tell me I haven't got the date wrong
22:16:16 Me: that would kill me
22:16:18 Me: and everyone else
22:16:31 Wild Bill: date is correct
22:16:32 Me: hurra
22:16:47 Tom: I'll be chugging down at some point around then
22:16:50 Tom: one thing
22:17:00 Tom: I need some rubles
22:17:01 Me: bill, do you have plane tickets? what checkin dildometry do we need to do?
22:17:23 Wild Bill: I have many rubles, tom you may have some
22:17:33 Wild Bill: since jez already earmarked some
22:17:42 Wild Bill: then we can cash machine for the rest while there and you can reimburse and etc.
22:17:53 Wild Bill: also means I'm not carrying around a shitload by myself
22:18:12 Wild Bill: nominal plane ticket is in the dropbox
22:18:13 Tom: cool
22:18:21 Wild Bill: looks dodgy as fuck, but I'm assured it's an actual ticket
22:18:28 Me: I am assured of this
22:18:42 Tom: My parents have a printer if we need to print on sat
22:18:45 Me: I have a printer right here
22:18:58 Wild Bill: I have one in the office also
22:18:58 Me: do we want some copies?
22:19:02 Tom: I have a printer but no dropbox, link?
22:19:10 Tom: or someone could just print them all
22:19:13 Me: I'll print them all
22:19:18 Wild Bill: I was going to print everything
22:19:19 Wild Bill: NO ME
22:19:21 Wild Bill: EVERYTHING
22:19:19 Me: ok
22:19:20 Me: fair
22:19:21 Me: jesus christ it has a genie on
22:19:23 Tom: ok
22:19:25 Tom: http://www.ebuyer.com/260377-hh-sol-hh7
22:19:27 Tom: sorry
22:19:30 Wild Bill: though you can print them too as a failsafe
22:19:35 Me: yeah, backups are useful
22:19:53 Tom: I will sit pretty
22:19:52 Me: getting to heathrow: is the piccadilly still fucked? shall I check that?
22:20:09 Wild Bill: in case I die before we go or something
22:20:12 Wild Bill: though in that case, take me anyway
22:20:12 Me: OPERATOR
22:20:13 Me: yessir
22:20:17 Wild Bill: give me a viking burial on the moskva
22:20:18 Me: we will haul your corpse before lenin
22:20:33 Tom: piccadilly is still fucked
22:20:34 Me: balls
22:20:39 Me: so heathrow express is gon' be necessary
22:20:56 Wild Bill: it's cheapest booked online, isn't it?
22:20:54 Me: there's no price advantage to booking in advance for that shit is there?
22:20:57 Me: erm
22:20:59 Me: let's check
22:21:25 Wild Bill: A single Express class fare is £16.50 online, £18.00 at ticket offices and machines, and £23 if purchased onboard.
22:21:28 Wild Bill: sez wiki
22:21:31 Me: right
22:21:35 Me: let's buy 3 online tickets
22:21:44 Me: tom, will piccadilly be unfucked by our return?
22:21:48 Tom: k
22:21:50 Wild Bill: do we need a return?
22:21:51 Tom: erm
22:21:58 Wild Bill: think piccadilly is fucked the weekend we get back too
22:22:06 Me: whores
22:22:08 Wild Bill: and then not afterwards
22:22:09 Wild Bill: and not before
22:22:11 Me: WHORES
22:22:15 Wild Bill: cunts
22:22:15 Me: that too
22:22:19 Me: cripes, the only thing that could diminish this ticket's professionalism is being printed in comic sans
22:22:28 Wild Bill: yeah
22:22:49 Me: "Stan Ridgway - Camouflage.mp3 was added to your Dropbox"
22:22:50 Me: you fucking whore
22:22:56 Wild Bill: c:
22:23:16 Me: so, 3 online tickets for heathrow 'spress
22:23:23 Tom: yi
22:23:34 Me: shall I book them, or does bill want to given that we're going to be owing him a mountain of dosh at the end anyway?
22:23:36 Wild Bill: so tom, we're staying at yours this saturday, and also the following saturday after we get back, cool?
22:23:50 Tom: are we going to bus it back or train it both ways?
22:24:06 Wild Bill: hmm could bus it back I suppose
22:24:09 Wild Bill: since no plane to catch
22:24:11 Tom: mm
22:24:14 Me: if that is cheaper
22:24:17 Tom: I'm up for making it cheaper
22:24:21 Wild Bill: k
22:24:38 Me: "Heathrow Express now offers all customers a fully functional mobile application allowing you to seamlessly purchase your tickets and receive direct to your phone in less than 30 seconds. The app is available for iPhone, BlackBerry, Android and Java-enabled mobile devices."
22:24:43 Me: FUCKING windows phone 7
22:24:47 Me: gain some goddamn market traction already
22:24:53 Wild Bill: troll'd
22:25:25 Me: watching the music flow into dropbox
22:25:32 Me: ...is a rap about hitler appropriate in moscow?
22:25:38 Me: fuck, is a rap about hitler appropriate ANYWHERE
22:25:51 Tom: if the native populous can't understand it
22:25:55 Tom: I think we're ok
22:25:57 Wild Bill: like I said, we're not going to be blasting this in front of people
22:26:05 Wild Bill: it'll be for hotel room sexytime
22:26:09 Me: mood music
22:26:14 Tom: dammit I'm stuck with the music I've got on my mp3 player
22:26:19 Me: I'm bringing my laptop
22:26:27 Tom: cool
22:26:26 Me: put good shit on a memory stick
22:26:28 Me: we can work from there
22:26:32 Tom: HOW
22:26:34 Tom: MOTHERFUCKER
22:26:34 Me: oh wait
22:26:34 Me: :3
22:26:52 Me: also, is foobar still top dog for music players?
22:27:01 Tom: yeo
22:27:09 Me: even though the lyrics plugin now doesn't bloody work
22:27:12 Me: bleh
22:27:16 Tom: does for me
22:27:24 Tom: I'll send you the one I have oh wait
22:27:24 Me: k heathrow express: who is booking it/making it work?
22:29:04 Me: ...
22:29:05 Me: we're kind of falling at the first hurdle here lads
22:29:35 Wild Bill: I'm booking now
22:29:39 Wild Bill: nobody else book
22:29:43 Wild Bill: because I am
22:29:44 Me: k
22:29:44 Wild Bill: now
22:29:50 Tom: k
22:29:54 Me: he has now dogs
22:29:57 Me: *no
22:29:58 Me: FUCK
22:29:59 Me: I SUCK
22:30:01 Me: anyway
22:30:14 Me: he has no dog
22:30:17 Me: he has no friends
22:30:19 Me: and his lawn is dying
22:30:26 Me: what about all those packages he sends?
22:30:54 Tom: now THAT is something we can blast in front of peopel
22:31:19 Me: I heard he has an ex-wife in some place called mayor's income, tennessee
22:31:24 Me: he used to have a consulting business in indoneeeeeeeeesia
22:31:43 Me: he has not friends, but he gets a lot of mail
22:31:47 Me: I bet he's spent a little time in jail
22:31:50 Me: what's he BUILDING in there
22:31:56 Wild Bill: book'd
22:32:13 Me: bill: flac acceptable or just mp3?
22:32:28 Wild Bill: mp3
22:32:34 Me: rrg
22:32:49 Me: on it
22:32:57 Wild Bill: well either that or find out if my phone will play flac
22:33:01 Wild Bill: also tell me the file size
22:33:31 Tom: my player can flac
22:33:40 Tom: will bring appropriate cables etc
22:33:41 Me: I'm getting it in mp3 anyway
22:34:25 Me: k so now
22:34:28 Me: ITINERARY
22:34:47 Me: what time will we be getting to maxima zarya? is the airport on the metro or do we need to pay some rapist cabbie?
22:35:18 Wild Bill: we get a heathrow express equivalent from airport to paveletskaya metro
22:35:31 Wild Bill: a heathrow express equivalent which is half the price of the heathrow express, no less
22:35:36 Me: well, it's russia
22:35:45 Wild Bill: http://www.aeroexpress.ru/en/
22:35:48 Me: better name, too
22:35:51 Tom: yeah, what's the money like out there?
22:35:59 Tom: are we up or down?
22:36:02 Me: way the fuck up
22:36:20 Tom: coo
22:36:22 Wild Bill: one ruble is worth about 2.3p
22:36:26 Tom: mm
22:36:26 Me: not like india way up, but things are generally cheaper
22:36:43 Wild Bill: but you can approximate by saying it's 2p and then rubles -> quids is x2, /100
22:36:56 Me: so CHEAP DRINKING AND WHORING AND EATING OUT ERRYNIGHT
22:36:59 Wild Bill: or that plus a bit more
22:37:29 Me: breakfast included in the zarya but presumably we'll be restauranting/sharing a huge jar of borscht
22:37:54 Wild Bill: yeah
22:37:59 Tom: I am okay with this
22:37:59 Wild Bill: or getting stuff from supermarkets
22:38:01 Me: pervert
22:38:04 Wild Bill: we'll get by
22:39:09 Wild Bill: so yeah
22:39:19 Wild Bill: flight gets in at 1730
22:39:29 Wild Bill: then give it an hour for dicking about with customs and baggage
22:39:31 Tom: ruski time?
22:39:40 Wild Bill: ja
22:39:43 Tom: and how long are the flights?
22:39:47 Wild Bill: then 45 mins on the aeroexpress
22:39:56 Me: are you guys going for hold luggage?
22:40:02 Wild Bill: flights 4 hours there, 4.5 back
22:40:28 Wild Bill: nah I'll take my wheely thing plus backpack
22:40:30 Me: what the hell, I swear I already had Rain Dogs on my hard drive
22:40:57 Tom: I'm going to take my backpack but I'm not sure if itll have to go in the hold
22:40:57 Me: I'm planning to just go for backpack, but might holdruggage depending on how much worthless tourist tat/weapons/bits of Lenin I pick up actually in town
22:40:59 Me: I want MEMENTOS
22:41:10 Tom: ditto
22:41:29 Tom: I could do with some more clutter in my room
22:41:48 Me: I could also do with a new bag, so if one catches my eye moskauside and is somewhat cheap, I'll just buy one
22:42:05 Wild Bill: da
22:42:22 Wild Bill: anyway, 45 minutes on aeroexpress, then metro ride of indeterminate length
22:42:36 Me: indeterminate and irrelevant
22:42:41 Tom: k
22:42:41 Wild Bill: hang on, there's a cool interactive map on the site which tells you the journey time between stations
22:42:48 Tom: ooh
22:42:54 Me: this is the MOSCOW METRO and if you don't like it you are a BITCH because METRO motherfucker drink up
22:43:27 Me: right, rain dogs redownloaded
22:43:28 Me: we sail tonight for singapore
22:43:52 Me: tom, any express suggestions for bromusic?
22:43:56 Me: while we're compiling
22:44:06 Wild Bill: 27 mins
22:44:31 Wild Bill: on a route which takes us through polis ;D
22:44:41 Me: jesus christ you didn't put fucking propane nightmares in here what is wrong with you
22:44:43 Wild Bill: and also tverskaya
22:44:46 Wild Bill: which is the nazi station
22:44:53 Wild Bill: you didn't say it
22:44:58 Me: I shouldn't have to
22:45:01 Wild Bill: I was working backwards through my youtube faves
22:45:04 Wild Bill: and didn't get back that far
22:45:10 Me: it's in now anyway
22:45:12 Me: also some Tom: waits
22:45:49 Tom: bonobo is chill
22:45:51 Me: kashmir?
22:46:03 Wild Bill: ja
22:46:11 Me: right
22:46:16 Tom: PJ Harvey
22:46:38 Me: do we reckon we can do kremlin/red square/st basil's/decomposing lenin in a single day?
22:46:41 Me: I'm assuming so
22:46:43 Wild Bill: note that my phone has limited memory
22:46:49 Wild Bill: feel free to make your own lists
22:47:01 Me: my laptop doesn't really, and if this is for hotels that's all we need
22:47:14 Wild Bill: right
22:47:16 Tom: Iron & Wine
22:47:18 Wild Bill: do that then
22:47:20 Me: evening on the ground?
22:47:37 Tom: (specifically The Shepherds Dog)
22:47:59 Me: I'll concede some terrible hipster music to you because it's the only way I'll get Bill to allow it but I draw the line at Arcade Fire
22:48:05 Tom: Portishead
22:48:29 Tom: Syd Barrett
22:48:35 Me: anyway
22:48:41 Tom: Neon Indian
22:48:49 Me: we'll have what, five full days there?
22:48:50 Tom: Tame Impala
22:48:54 Me: you're just saying random words now
22:48:57 Wild Bill: yes
22:49:02 Tom: :3
22:49:13 Me: one for kremlin etc
22:49:23 Wild Bill: I suggest we have monino pencilled in for friday
22:49:32 Wild Bill: then we can abandon it if there's too much central stuff to see
22:49:33 Me: one for monino if you gents are ok with that
22:49:36 Me: fair
22:49:47 Tom: mhm
22:50:03 Wild Bill: which realistically we probably will
22:50:13 Me: :c
22:50:15 Me: but ekranoplans
22:50:52 Me: cultural shit
22:50:59 Wild Bill: yes yes
22:50:58 Me: let me pull up mcintyre's message
22:51:04 Wild Bill: we'll do it if we have time
22:51:09 Tom: MMMA
22:51:34 Me: andrey hasn't replied to my email but hey, we'll have internet
22:51:43 Me: this soviet march bex linked is amazing
22:51:54 Wild Bill: whatis MMMA
22:52:37 Tom: moscmusemoderart
22:52:49 Wild Bill: aight
22:53:17 Wild Bill: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Museum_of_
22:53:36 Me: mcintyre calls the tretyakov gallery a must
22:53:40 Wild Bill: jeremy, item 2: http://www.museum.ru/M421item
22:53:53 Me: GIVE ME THIS
22:53:55 Tom: was about to say the tretyakov
22:53:55 Me: GIVE ME THIS NOW
22:54:15 Me: ...wait
22:54:21 Wild Bill: the GPW museum is in the middle of park p-body
22:54:21 Me: do they actually have one of the goddamn railway guns?
22:54:24 Wild Bill: which is fucking sex
22:54:30 Wild Bill: and has tanks and stuff
22:54:33 Wild Bill: and is also an artyom station
22:54:36 Me: k we're going there
22:54:39 Me: is that a day's worth?
22:54:57 Wild Bill: maybe half day
22:55:07 Wild Bill: http://maps.google.com/maps?q=moscow+wa
22:55:18 Me: oh wow
22:55:20 Me: yeah
22:55:22 Me: definitely
22:55:32 Wild Bill: so what else
22:55:39 Me: half day there, rest of day at the tretyakov?
22:55:42 Wild Bill: national museum, vdnkh
22:55:45 Me: day of war and art
22:56:02 Wild Bill: izmailovsky market on saturday morning
22:56:05 Wild Bill: for tat-buying
22:56:04 Me: yus
22:56:08 Me: we shall buy maximum tat
22:56:18 Me: lots of people have refused to specify what sort of tat they want and said "surprise me"
22:56:33 Me: so they're getting the most generic looking matryoshka sets/commie cap badges I can possibly find
22:56:47 Me: Near the Gallery of modern art there is a sculpture garden called "the graveyard of fallen monuments" that displays statues of former Soviet Union that were relocated.
22:56:52 Me: (tretyakov)
22:56:53 Me: (I think so)
22:57:17 Wild Bill: metro-fapping doesn't need to be earmarked any time really
22:57:24 Wild Bill: since we can do it in the evenings once the museums close
22:57:30 Me: it can be an incidental thing if any of the other stuff turns out to be a dud
22:57:54 Me: but seriously they actually HAVE a 12-inch railway gun
22:58:00 Tom: also it'll be being done all the time anyway
22:57:58 Me: sorry, I have to see that shit
22:58:16 Me: GPW museum you will have to basically drag me out of
22:58:30 Me: bill, take pics of everything for me to drool over late into the night
22:58:44 Wild Bill: and a sketch of zhukov looking badass
22:58:46 Me: so entirely arbitrarily
22:58:49 Wild Bill: as if he ever looked anything other than badass
22:58:58 Me: shall we say red square etc on monday, tretyakov/p-body park tuesday
22:59:16 Wild Bill: I think GPW is closed tuesdays
22:59:23 Wild Bill: this is the other thing we need to check
22:59:33 Me: I have just googled "lenin opening hours"
22:59:37 Me: this is somewhat surreal
22:59:42 Me: lenin is closed on mondays
22:59:49 Me: and fridays
22:59:51 Wild Bill: Opening hours: Tuesday - Sunday from 10.00 to 19.00
23:00:00 Wild Bill: so what do monday?
23:00:01 Me: so what *is* open on mondays?
23:00:03 Me: VDNKh?
23:00:23 Wild Bill: check national museum, tretyakov etc.
23:00:24 Me: on it
23:01:39 Wild Bill: national museum: Working hours:* Open every day, except Tuesday and the first monday of every month
23:01:40 Wild Bill: FUCK
23:01:54 Me: pffffff
23:02:03 Me: wow
23:02:18 Me: tretyakov is closed mondays
23:02:23 Me: but is open til 8
23:02:27 Wild Bill: http://www.russianmuseums.info/
23:02:40 Wild Bill: MMMA: open daily
23:02:40 Wild Bill: YES
23:03:17 Wild Bill: midday-8pm
23:04:08 Me: GPW isn't saying when
23:04:11 Me: more checking in order
23:04:39 Wild Bill: 22:59:49 Me: Opening hours: Tuesday - Sunday from 10.00 to 19.00
23:04:49 Wild Bill: fuck your alzheimer's
23:05:00 Me: oh that's what you meant
23:05:06 Me: right
23:05:16 Me: so: kremlin tuesday?
23:05:23 Wild Bill: da
23:05:36 Wild Bill: well, there's more to kremlin than just lenin
23:05:35 Me: general kremlin shit is open all days except thursdays
23:05:40 Wild Bill: is it all shut monday
23:05:41 Wild Bill: ?
23:05:43 Wild Bill: k
23:05:42 Me: no, just lenin
23:06:00 Me: ...st basil's is closed on tuesdays
23:06:03 Wild Bill: so...why tuesday?
23:06:07 Wild Bill: why not monday morn?
23:06:14 Wild Bill: then MMMMMMMA monday aft
23:06:16 Me: I want to see lenin :c
23:06:26 Wild Bill: we can go back for lenin
23:06:28 Me: ok
23:06:32 Me: he's open tuesday'thursday
23:06:42 Me: st basil's is 11-5 all days except tuesday
23:07:55 Me: so non-lenin kremlin monday morning, mmma afternoon
23:08:16 Me: tretyakov/gpw tuesday
23:08:19 Wild Bill: http://www.kreml.ru/en/info/visitors/ti
23:09:02 Me: what is with all these moscow attractions and having a bizarre single day off
23:09:36 Wild Bill: dunno mang
23:09:40 Wild Bill: OOH the library
23:10:46 Wild Bill: that probably won't take long
23:10:51 Me: do we want to admire the bolshoi?
23:11:00 Wild Bill: yes
23:11:04 Wild Bill: dunno if we can go in
23:11:04 Me: seeing something in it might be a bit de trop
23:11:15 Wild Bill: but they just finished renovating it for us
23:11:19 Wild Bill: so it'd be rude not to
23:11:22 Me: mm
23:11:43 Wild Bill: not spending an evening watching actual ballet, you must be mental
23:11:56 Me: ballet is only good if you get to buy one of the ballerinas afterward
23:12:05 Me: otherwise it's just a massively choreographed tease
23:12:21 Tom: dang, I should have asked Judith for some free tickets to that
23:12:33 Wild Bill: :o
23:12:41 Tom: though I dunno how far her influence extends
23:12:56 Tom: ...probably not that far
23:13:37 Wild Bill: liberry is open erry weekday
23:13:45 Wild Bill: and is right next to kremlin
23:14:13 Wild Bill: as is arbat
23:14:17 Wild Bill: the touristy bit
23:18:35 Me: we can do that in the same trip as lenin
23:18:43 Wild Bill: yes
23:18:52 Me: so, VDNKh
23:18:56 Wild Bill: wednesday: state museum, lenin, library, red square general
23:19:13 Me: I get the feeling that's half wandering and admiring cool shit
23:19:30 Wild Bill: yup
23:19:33 Me: and half rockets
23:19:52 Wild Bill: that'll be a half-day at most
23:20:01 Wild Bill: otherwise OH GOD OUR FEET
23:20:04 Me: yeah
23:20:09 Wild Bill: can also do ostankino then
23:20:20 Wild Bill: which will take like 30 mins
23:20:20 Me: it seems like something that can take up as much time as we let it
23:20:27 Wild Bill: since I don't think we can go up it
23:20:54 Me: just sit at the bottom and imagine climbing up it with our kalash 2012s and crappy bubba'd shotguns
23:21:40 Me: thursday: VDNKh/ostankino/...?
23:21:46 Wild Bill: http://www.russianmuseums.info/M346
23:21:46 Me: seems we've got half a day spare there
23:22:06 Wild Bill: we'll fill it, don't worry
23:22:11 Me: in theory jizz, but I don't want to do too much warry stuff
23:22:27 Me: well
23:22:28 Me: I do
23:22:36 Me: but I don't want to drag you guys along if it's not your priority
23:22:38 Me: and if given the choice I'd rather do monino over the others
23:22:42 Wild Bill: I'm just seeing if it's actually worthwhile
23:22:47 Wild Bill: might just be medals and shit
23:23:05 Me: there are tanks and huge guns outside, let's have a look
23:23:34 Me: "vast collection of Soviet military memorabilia"
23:23:50 Wild Bill: neither of the wor museums have their sites in english
23:23:49 Me: oooh
23:23:53 Me: they have gary powers' u-2
23:23:57 Wild Bill: guess they assume that only fellow ivans give a shit
23:24:01 Wild Bill: :o
23:24:06 Me: and... "a section of tattooed skin taken from a prisoner in the Maidenjak concentration camp"
23:24:12 Me: http://www.moscow.info/museums/cent
23:24:17 Wild Bill: 0_0
23:24:17 Me: sounds like it could be worth half a day
23:24:24 Me: closes at 5 though
23:24:37 Me: that then vdnkh? are the exhibition grounds open til late?
23:25:07 Wild Bill: dunno
23:25:22 Wild Bill: also consider outside stuff is limited by getting dark early
23:26:27 Me: unless it lights up
23:27:25 Me: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mutatedjel
23:28:03 Wild Bill: that's ostankino brah
23:28:15 Me: I'm looking at a video
23:28:24 Me: the whole exhibition grounds appear to be full of lighting shit
23:28:35 Wild Bill: aight
23:28:59 Me: what sort of time will the sun set?
23:29:16 Wild Bill: the outdoor bit of vdnkh isn't really that high on my priorities anyway
23:29:24 Wild Bill: long as we see the station I'm happy
23:29:50 Me: I like the sound of the outdoor bit
23:30:03 Wild Bill: sunset about half 5 apparently
23:30:07 Me: endless culture, tea sellers, people selling scrimshawed mammoth bones
23:30:22 Wild Bill: that's not the impression I get
23:30:36 Wild Bill: it's for big corporations to hold...exhibitions
23:30:57 Wild Bill: where dull businessmen go to gawp at the latest home security systems or whatever
23:31:14 Wild Bill: it just happens to also have some residual soviet glory
23:31:25 Me: the accounts I'm reading are all about the residual glory
23:31:33 Me: and space pavilion
23:31:53 Me: are you sure you're not getting confused with the expo centre?
23:32:05 Me: vdnkh seems to be like a sort of slightly more alive Crystal Palace
23:32:10 Wild Bill: we're definitely going, we just need to figure the place out
23:32:38 Me: do you think the hotel will have some sort of friendly travel guide to take our bribes and offer us disingenuous winks?
23:33:10 Wild Bill: huh?
23:33:13 Wild Bill: someone to go around with us?
23:33:14 Me: no
23:33:27 Me: but someone who will answer questions like "so what's the deal with vdnkh"
23:33:39 Wild Bill: could ask the staff
23:33:50 Wild Bill: they'll know a certain amount
23:33:54 Wild Bill: ooh, the university
23:34:20 Me: any of the seven sisters
23:34:24 Me: Tom: are you still here?
23:34:37 Tom: ja
23:34:42 Tom: though only vaguelly
23:34:47 Tom: writing my dissertation proposal
23:34:56 Tom: deadline is sometime next week
23:34:55 Me: can I be any use on that?
23:35:01 Tom: surely
23:35:07 Wild Bill: university is best I think
23:35:09 Wild Bill: because hill
23:36:33 Wild Bill: it's out near p-body
23:37:01 Wild Bill: go there in the evening on tues?
23:37:16 Me: yum
23:37:29 Tom: http://www.unclepasha.com/veg/phrases.h
23:37:32 Tom: o lawd
23:37:35 Me: p-body park will be explorable after the musee closes
23:37:38 Me: which seems to be at 7
23:37:42 Tom: "Take it away and give it a decent burial "
23:38:02 Me: oh yeah! you're a non-murderer c:
23:38:16 Wild Bill: remember darkness
23:38:19 Tom: Shoot Me: - Пристрелите меня - Pristrelite menya
23:38:32 Me: it's a big city and likely to be overcast, I'm expecting it to be dark but not like pitch black
23:38:57 Me: da, pryemo seichas
23:39:33 Wild Bill: http://www.planetware.com/i/photo/n
23:39:43 Me: golly
23:39:44 Me: yes
23:40:17 Me: "May 7 1011 Another cafe opened up. Very near my humble abode, on Lavrushinsky, right across the Tretyakov Gallery. I wanted to do a review but just could not bring myself to enter a food establishment that dubs itself "studio", calls menu items "projects", overuses non-descript adjectives, and lists "light" as a selling point. An artsy place of the sort where Castaneda readers go to make a statement. Oh, and they call themselves "Sok", which translated as "juice". The menu is full of $10 a piece items. No thanks, not for me, can't recommend, would rather get a mushrooms and potatoes chebureki on Bolshoi Tolmachevsky a few steps from Sock."
23:41:00 Tom: A combination of a cafe, a restaurant, and a health food type shop. OK food, good coffee but no alcohol. Cheerful vegetarian faces combined with a surly security guard produce an effect that leaves Me: at a loss for words. Inability to have a beer with my meal does not help in positively describing this place either.
23:41:33 Me: I'm guessing the 1 is a typo unless he's reporting on vegetarian restaurants from before the actual founding of moscow
23:43:39 Tom: Georgian legend has it that when God was distributing land among the peoples of the world, the Georgians missed out because they were so busy eating and drinking. Then, the Georgians invited God to their meal and he had such a good time that he allotted them the bountiful piece of land he had been saving for himself.
23:43:43 Me: "ever since vladimir the great came and conquered we've seen a real improvement in nice veggie cafes, and the number of good organic farmers' markets and real ale festivals that have sprouted up under all these psychotic varangians has just been amazing"
23:44:06 Me: ahaha
23:44:12 Me: as exceptionalism goes that's pretty awesome
23:46:24 Me: just looking at the foreign office page on russia
23:46:27 Wild Bill: http://www.lonelyplanet.com/russia/mosc
23:46:33 Me: "There is a high level of threat from terrorism. Attacks cannot be ruled out and could be indiscriminate, including in places frequented by expatriates and foreign travellers. Attacks have occurred most frequently in Moscow and in the North Caucasus.
Tottenham play Rubin Kazan on 3 November 2011 at Rubin Kazan Stadium. See FC Rubin Kazan v Tottenham Hotspur. "
23:47:08 Wild Bill: pfff
23:47:14 Me: train
23:47:23 Me: my coat is pimp but the skirts are a bit long for cycling
23:47:32 Me: ooh wait
23:47:34 Me: ROLLERBLADES
23:47:55 Tom: oh god
23:48:00 Tom: please not the rollerblades
23:48:08 Me: fuck you tom you stole my rollerblades when we were like 7
23:48:15 Tom: you can go on the tracks while bill and I take the train
23:48:27 Wild Bill: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostankino_
23:48:30 Tom: pull a sick grind
23:48:41 Me: this is vdnkh not bloody tony hawk
23:48:56 Me: "vdnkh" is very satisfying to type
23:49:23 Tom: I'd expect it to be a sound you see in a comic
23:49:29 Wild Bill: it's even more satisfying to say
23:49:45 Me: it's the sound of someone being twatted over the head with something hollow made of a heavy but malleable metal
23:49:50 Wild Bill: and no it's not pronounced "vuhdunk"
23:49:54 Me: it's the sound of someone going down to a lead balloon
23:50:07 Wild Bill: veh deh en kha
23:50:39 Me: well you're our official ruski-speaker
23:50:49 Me: you can go and pronounce things correctly
23:50:58 Me: while we're making awful donk noises
23:51:11 Wild Bill: SO
23:51:14 Wild Bill: so far we have
23:51:15 Wild Bill: monday: non-lenin kremlin, MMMA
tuesday: tretyakov, gpw, university
wednesday: state museum, lenin, library, red square general
thursday: vdnkh, ostankino tower + palace, military museum
23:51:28 Tom: what time is the flight home?
23:51:47 Wild Bill: 1910 saturday
23:51:47 Tom: because we should all get massively drunk before we leave
23:51:50 Me: friday: provisionally monino/something late-eveningy once we've got back
saturday: izmailovsky market
23:52:43 Wild Bill: what are we forgetting?
23:52:47 Wild Bill: we must be forgetting something
23:52:58 Me: pissing around on the metro all day
23:53:03 Me: but that can be done ad hoc
23:53:19 Wild Bill: yes, we're not forgetting that
23:53:17 Me: let's see
23:53:21 Me: art galleries CHECK
23:53:28 Me: kremlin with decomposing lenin and all sorts CHECK
23:53:33 Me: military museums CHECK
23:53:38 Me: exhibition CHECK
23:53:50 Me: sounds like we've covered all the bases
23:54:14 Wild Bill: I'm thinking more sexy buildings that we can't go in
23:54:15 Tom: vodka
23:54:20 Tom: YOU'RE MISSING VODKA
23:54:25 Me: vodka can also be done ad hoc
23:54:34 Wild Bill: oh right, that fallen monument park
23:54:33 Me: you fucking wino
23:54:40 Tom: read: all the time
23:54:43 Wild Bill: looks tasty
23:54:42 Me: that's outside the tretyakov
23:54:50 Me: so can be done at the same time
23:55:18 Wild Bill: k
23:56:36 Me: so
23:56:45 Me: we're basically planned, right?
23:56:59 Wild Bill: provisionally
23:57:06 Wild Bill: should keep researching
23:57:29 Wild Bill: in case we've forgotten stuff or find cool new stuff
23:57:55 Wild Bill: also record all opening times, entry fees if avail, nearest metro stations etc.
23:58:05 Me: kay
23:58:18 Me: guys
23:58:23 Me: IT'S GOING TO BE SO FUCKING FUN
23:58:47 Tom: I would be more hyped were I not worried about missing a week of work
23:58:48 Wild Bill: http://dictatorshipoftheair.com/20
23:58:53 Wild Bill: bookmark it on your faptop
23:58:58 Me: if it helps I'm missing a week of work too
23:59:01 Tom: but once we're on out way I'll be in the grove
23:59:03 Wild Bill: inb4 monino is shut fridays
23:59:03 Tom: oo
23:59:09 Me: bookmarking
23:59:15 Me: read: saving to dropbox
23:59:20 Me: entire site
23:59:50 Wild Bill: open weekdays except weds according to this
23:59:54 Wild Bill: but note this is from 2007
00:00:05 Me: comments seem up to date
00:00:06Day changed to 3 Nov 2011
00:01:17 Me: this seems very awesome
00:01:34 Me: I do desire this
00:01:51 Me: "Along with quality vodka, Baltika beer, and gob-smackingly beautiful women, ice cream is a Russian product that should be enjoyed at every opportunity"
00:02:17 Me: ok
00:02:33 Wild Bill: wha
00:02:41 Tom: I have no objections
00:02:47 Tom: as long as it aint made with pig
00:02:52 Tom: but then this is russia...
00:02:51 Me: last book I read said it was all processed and they were crazy proud of that
00:02:55 Me: BUT the book was talking about the 1930s
00:03:05 Me: and I think things may have changed
00:03:54 Wild Bill: I've been working lots in the past month writing this paper
00:04:09 Wild Bill: but that's submitted some time this week and then I'm free /o/
00:04:15 Me: I am missing 4 hours of lectures
00:05:06 Tom: I'm missing about 30 hours of sculpting
00:05:27 Tom: I hope my tutor believes I'm ill
00:05:26 Me: let me make it up to you by writing your diss proposal
00:05:37 Tom: okay
00:06:28 Wild Bill: so the moral is
00:06:30 Tom: attempted send
00:06:33 Me: received
00:06:36 Wild Bill: future brotrips should be done outside term time
00:06:48 Me: I fucked up the dates because I'm an imbecile
00:06:49 Wild Bill: and not just when jeremy says he thinks he probably has a reading week
00:06:52 Wild Bill: >:C
00:06:56 Tom: oh well
00:06:58 Me: it's my degree getting dicked not yours
00:07:08 Wild Bill: also tom's
00:07:15 Me: tom do you get a reading week?
00:07:21 Tom: I plan to work through christmas, so it aint too big a deal
00:07:22 Tom: nope
00:07:30 Wild Bill: ...what would he read?
00:07:33 Tom: we don't read
00:07:39 Me: we don't read shit either dude
00:07:41 Me: it's just half term
00:07:53 Wild Bill: yes
00:07:57 Tom: but you read for FUN
00:08:03 Me: most of my peers are going to australia or engaging in a sustained freakout about their dissertations
00:08:05 Wild Bill: for humanities layabouts and also engineering layabouts at bristol for some reason
00:08:52 Wild Bill: so when is your actual reading week?
00:08:59 Me: right now
00:09:06 Wild Bill: derp
00:09:08 Me: c:
00:09:23 Tom: so are you finishing off Ten Ways as we speak?
00:09:26 Me: second file also received
00:09:31 Tom: (Y)
00:09:41 Wild Bill: email from tutee:
"I am really frustrated about the homework about the Linear Algebra, i cannot even do the first question. So, are you ok to help me?
I will be free in the afternoon on Thursday and Friday."
00:09:50 Wild Bill: that's what the designated tutorials are for, bro
00:09:50 Me: nah I'm mostly catching up on two years' worth of sleep
00:09:53 Me: "are you ok to help me"
00:09:58 Me: when I beg fucking help off a tutor
00:10:03 Wild Bill: I ain't giving you private tuition pro bono
00:10:02 Me: (which I don't, but in the event)
00:10:19 Wild Bill: this guy is foreign
00:10:45 Me: I couch it in the most grovelling fucking mendicantspeech possible and come at THEIR say-so
00:10:49 Me: hm, fair
00:11:02 Me: how much tuition do you actually do?
00:11:13 Wild Bill: 2 groups
00:11:16 Wild Bill: 6 students each
00:11:22 Wild Bill: two lots of homeworks each
00:11:26 Tom: forgot to give you a sample of my sisters handwriting
00:11:49 Wild Bill: so marking 24 homeworks, then 2x 50 min tutorial sessions per week
00:12:07 Wild Bill: ah yes
00:12:06 Me: for enough money to fly to moscow and back, no doubt
00:12:16 Wild Bill: yup
00:12:30 Tom: damn I need a job
00:12:34 Wild Bill: tom, I found her mugshot in the weird new database that lets me see all the mugshots
00:12:36 Me: damn I need this training contract
00:12:39 Tom: ...huh
00:13:07 Wild Bill: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/8165699/good%20
00:13:12 Tom: what're you applying for at the moment?
00:13:24 Me: doing a psychometric for herbert smith tonight after some tea
00:13:38 Me: already sent in an application to burges salmon
00:13:49 Me: one for berwin leighton paisner needs just a bit more work
00:14:05 Me: polishing the FUCK out of my slaughter and may cover letter because they are the dream
00:14:10 Tom: ...psychometric?
00:14:13 Me: test
00:14:18 Me: verbal/non-verbal reasoning and shit
00:14:25 Me: you know, Rick used to drill us in 'em back in gold class
00:14:34 Me: got me straight into latymer so there's something to be said c:
00:14:50 Tom: vaguely remember
00:14:57 Me: they give you a bunch of shapes
00:15:03 Me: which one comes next in the sequence
00:15:08 Tom: that one is a triangle C:
00:15:16 Wild Bill: so like an IQ test
00:15:18 Me: yup
00:15:23 Me: most of the big firms like them
00:15:26 Me: slaughters don't
00:15:35 Wild Bill: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c
00:15:42 Wild Bill: zhukov was DISTILLED BADASS
00:15:53 Me: they just want a CV, cover letter, and if that's good they interview you
00:15:58 Tom: thought you were linking to another student's mugsot for a second
00:16:07 Wild Bill: :D
00:16:08 Me: a mugshot of dmitry medvedev
00:16:10 Me: in mongolia
00:16:17 Wild Bill: with big tits
00:16:16 Me: bro I know I can't read, but
00:16:21 Tom: "holy shit look at that bust"
00:16:34 Tom: "click"
00:16:37 Tom: "oh"
00:16:38 Me: pff
00:18:50 Me: "the only things that you are not allowed to bring in to Russia are GPS devices"
00:18:54 Me: I... assume that phones are OK
00:19:23 Wild Bill: so you're putting the music on your faptop, ja
00:19:24 Wild Bill: ?
00:19:26 Me: ja
00:19:33 Me: tis flopboxed over
00:19:42 Wild Bill: I'll add more bowie
00:19:55 Me: I got the wireless desktop thing working c:
00:20:32 Wild Bill: also needs...slagsmalsklubben, klaypex, stalker music
00:20:52 Wild Bill: do you have pendulum the tempest?
00:21:05 Me: yes but my mp3 of it seems to love spazzing out halfway through
00:21:24 Wild Bill: I'll send mine
00:21:28 Me: ta
00:24:34 Me: eeeeee I'm excited
00:24:48 Me: what do I need not to forget
00:25:13 Wild Bill: passport
00:25:16 Wild Bill: talking egg
00:25:17 Me: noiseball obvs
00:25:25 Tom: I shall bring mine too
00:25:26 Me: faptop for chroniclin'
00:25:31 Tom: for additional loudness
00:25:34 Wild Bill: tom, do you have any european plug adapters?
00:26:28 Tom: I think mine are all the wrong way around
00:26:56 Wild Bill: I have one
00:27:05 Wild Bill: your parents might have some
00:29:00 Wild Bill: jeremy, you must remember phrasebook
00:30:07 Me: da
00:30:09 Me: danke
00:30:13 Me: current or cold war?
00:30:20 Wild Bill: current
00:30:25 Me: coward
00:30:50 Wild Bill: I must remember camera stuff
00:30:53 Wild Bill: and rubles
00:30:58 Wild Bill: and tickets and shit
00:31:08 Me: this one's from 1969
00:31:53 Me: "is there a telegram for me"
00:31:59 Me: "I have scarlet fever"
00:32:22 Me: "We should like to talk to representatives of the central council of the union of sports societies and organisations of the USSR"
00:32:35 Wild Bill: :D
00:32:49 Me: oh wow this one's from 1960 and is even MORE antiquated
00:32:55 Wild Bill: "I enjoy the music of the Rolling Stones"
00:33:05 Wild Bill: 1960 eh?
00:33:10 Wild Bill: s/rolling stones/elvis
00:33:47 Me: ok I'm bringing this, you can have the shiny new Lonely Planet one with the vector art on the cover but I want my pre-Kennedy clothback that looks like a first edition thomas the tank engine
00:34:14 Me: SECTION X. SPORTS
00:34:23 Me: "We should like to learn something of the achievements of Soviet sport."
00:34:55 Me: the phrasing of this is so deliciously dated
00:35:12 Me: so I have two current phrasebooks and two antiques
00:35:21 Me: bill, AA, Lonely Planet, or both?
00:35:32 Wild Bill: both if you want
00:35:56 Me: lonely planet is lighter and its publication postdates the internet
00:36:08 Wild Bill: go with that
00:36:45 Wild Bill: I also have my Learn Russian book which I've had out from the ASS library for months
00:36:47 Wild Bill: but it's fairly useless
00:36:58 Wild Bill: since it's trying to actually teach you the language
00:37:34 Tom: pah
00:37:42 Tom: I think I might have a book full of pictures of things
00:37:50 Tom: which you open up and point to
00:38:07 Me: when you say "things"
00:38:14 Me: you mean "whores and vodka"
00:38:36 Tom: those'll be in the russian section, yes
00:38:54 Me: you'll get your sloppy seconds with... Yasmine
00:39:05 Tom: we can all have Yasmines
00:39:12 Tom: no need to be greedy
00:39:12 Me: nuh uh, you have to share with Trombley
00:39:29 Me: oh, be advised that I do of course have GK on the laptop should that become necessary
00:39:38 Tom: 'should'
00:39:50 Wild Bill: I could finally watch the final episode /o/
00:40:04 Tom: you haven't seen the bit where they all die?
00:40:06 Wild Bill: now what other utterly necessary things am I forgetting for this list
00:40:11 Me: warm shoes
00:40:12 Me: warm socks
00:40:12 Me: fuck
00:40:15 Me: I don't have any warm socks
00:40:23 Tom: I don't have any warm shoes
00:40:25 Tom: swapsies?
00:40:26 Me: no
00:40:31 Wild Bill: I bought new socks along with my nice new jumper
00:40:43 Wild Bill: or "nice jew jumper", as I originally typed
00:40:55 Me: your antisemitism is getting positively freudian
00:41:08 Wild Bill: it's not particularly jew anyway
00:41:11 Wild Bill: cost like £25
00:41:20 Me: I'm sure we will encounter a sock shop at some point
00:41:22 Tom: that's pretty jew for a jumper
00:41:30 Wild Bill: I suppose
00:41:42 Tom: if we encounter a warm shoe shop I may be tempted
00:41:43 Tom: or
00:41:48 Tom: I could just take my walking boots
00:41:52 Wild Bill: my expectations of the price of clothes are always skewed
00:41:50 Me: that's what I'm taking
00:42:05 Me: I might actually end up buying some serious outdoorsy shit if the opportunity comes up
00:42:07 Wild Bill: I'm taking my walking/ballooning boots
00:42:10 Me: I love my boots but they're getting old
00:42:45 Wild Bill: so let's think,
00:42:53 Wild Bill: journey-wise
00:43:02 Wild Bill: tix for bristol -> london I'm getting from the machine on saturday
00:43:17 Wild Bill: tom's -> paddington is easy tube, so take oyster
00:43:23 Me: yum
00:43:36 Wild Bill: heathbro express need to print
00:43:41 Wild Bill: plane, need to print
00:43:51 Wild Bill: aeroexpress we can buy when we get there
00:43:58 Wild Bill: metro tix ditto
00:44:10 Wild Bill: hotel reservation thing need to print
00:45:14 Wild Bill: and then we're there and everything is right and nothing hurts
00:45:23 Me: everything is beautiful
00:45:48 Tom: especially Yasmine
00:45:52 Wild Bill: then what else needs doing
00:46:01 Wild Bill: I shall cut my hair tomorrow
00:46:07 Me: getting sodomised by vile corrupt cops
00:46:17 Wild Bill: since it's slightly not quite severe enough at the moment
00:47:04 Tom: most of this year has been mo, so I'm all shaggy round the edges
00:47:08 Tom: I'm looking positively russian
00:47:15 Wild Bill: excellent
00:47:43 Me: I haven't shaved in a couple of days and depending on how it comes out I might end up movembering
00:48:08 Me: I will present a pleasing contrast to bill, who can scream at me and the hippie shit on my lip
00:48:23 Wild Bill: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c
00:49:00 Me: god he looks intense
00:49:26 Wild Bill: he will fuck you up
00:49:34 Me: me and the entirety of army group centre, yeah
00:50:02 Wild Bill: I like the idea of the photographer going "that's great, now show me your best glare"
00:50:05 Tom: http://www.biography.com/imported/image
00:50:12 Me: that's disgusting
00:50:32 Wild Bill: nonsense, you're far denser and more lustrous than that
00:50:34 Me: yes
00:50:37 Me: your beard actually works
00:50:40 Me: it is cavalier
00:50:54 Me: that is horrible unkempt overlong faceminge
00:53:35 Tom: I have to give a report on the ethical issues surrounding my diss
00:54:00 Tom: it gives a four point scale to help understand what the different levels are
00:54:08 Tom: "• High risk (collecting information about illegal activities and/or working with children, conducting medical or animal experiments)."
00:54:53 Tom: I really want to shoehorn a medical experiment into my diss, just so I can say it's high risk
00:55:11 Me: that's the bottom level right
00:55:28 Tom: I'm not even going to tell you what's above that
00:56:00 Me: then there's "very high risk (design and procurement of lethal weapons/supply of such to terrorists & preschoolers)"
00:56:46 Me: "ultra high risk" (particularly cruel murder, playing hip-hop in public)
00:56:53 Me: and the top level is just a black bar and mostly involves death camps
00:57:12 Tom: and the one above that is for people that talk at the theatre
00:57:18 Me: ah yes
00:57:22 Me: isn't that
00:57:23 Me: special
00:59:23 Me: right, brb, making tea
01:01:48 Wild Bill: MOSKAU MUSIK is done
01:01:51 Me: hurra
01:01:59 Wild Bill: you may remove it if you like, saved a copy for meself
01:02:04 Me: righto
01:02:46 Wild Bill: WELL I'M A SUPER-FIGHTIN' ROBOT FROM THE YEAR 2010 ON A QUEST FROM DR LIGHT TO MAKE THE CITY SAFE AGAIN
01:02:54 Wild Bill: have you watched the sequelitis thing properly yet?
01:03:10 Me: first ten minutes
01:03:12 Me: got bored after that
01:03:53 Wild Bill: oh god I love the metbro title music
01:04:06 Wild Bill: takes me right back to dem tunnels <3
01:04:17 Me: 40 files, 215 mb
01:04:20 Me: all present and correct?
01:04:33 Wild Bill: da
01:05:52 Wild Bill: phew, that was an intense few hours of plannan and stuff
01:05:54 Wild Bill: time 4 tea
01:05:56 Me: yes.